My dancer-friend created a concept video. I got to be a part of it.
He’s uber-talented. Both as a performer, and now, coming into his own right as a choreographer/director it seems.
I totally, totally wanted in.
We rode around on Metro for hours. I mean, HOURS. Getting shots, jumping off trains, waiting for another.
We danced in an alley at almost 3 in the morning. It was raining. Cold. We hadn’t eaten. We were beyond tired.
Most of the dancers were a significant number of years younger than me. (One, the main character, less than half my age.) I felt insecure, out of place, uncomfortable. Like he put me in out of pity and then couldn’t tell me he no longer wanted me in it. Certainly isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. It’s most of the time, in fact. I have most of the time felt insecure about my talent and accomplishments when it comes to doing projects like this. (How terrible is it that I walk around feeling like THAT all of the time?)
It’s safe to say I won’t be in much of the video.
I felt bad about it for most of the night.
But you know what? When I get right down to it, I’m happy to have been a part. I met some great new, totally talented people, had an experience most don’t get to have ever, and faced my inner demons head-on.
I also discovered a new layer of truth for myself: I perhaps can’t do the things I did when I was 21. But dammit if I can’t be awesome at being 31. Now, to focus on those areas of my life, instead of trying to recreate what I once was…
Here’s to another day of creativity…