I had a lot of time with myself today. Some thoughts came to me:
I’ve less been active by choice, more by necessity, all these years. Literally not being able to sit still made dance my perfect outlet. I’ve had times in my life when I’m without this life-force and I always find myself in despair. I call it the thing that ‘saved’ me growing up.
I recently had my peace-love-and-art lifestyle chastised. I don’t like being made to feel less than. (Who does, of course?) But this time, I didn’t feel the need to fight back. I didn’t feel the need to prove myself – to MAKE them see the error of their ways.
If anything, it only made my resolve to LIVE this kind of life and REACH those kind of people more solidified. Because I’m telling you, everything, everything is easier, better, lovelier, when you can allow yourself to breathe and soak in any and all forms of creativity. I really, truly believe it to be so. It’s just a matter of being able to tap into that, particularly in a society where we are so often taught it’s not OK to be vulnerable and unique and ‘different.’
Today was the Presidential Medal of Freedom Reception. Sixteen individuals received the highest civilian honor for their “meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.” It was a wonderful reminder of what, of course, I know to be true – people receive lifetime achievement awards for making this a safer, better, more loving place to live – not for contributing to violence and hate and ugliness.
Sometimes, it’s not about forgiveness but rather about simply letting go. Making the conscious decision to live happy is a powerful thing.
I let go of some built up emotions I’ve been feeling. Just like that. I. Let. Them. Go. Not for show, not to prove anything, but because I really truly no longer want to be burdened by them. I live a fairly drama-filled life. Not anything crazy, mind you. But I tend to thrive in a dynamic and situation-filled world. A friend recently helped me see that perhaps, in the love arena, this isn’t the way to go.
I feel power-full in letting go. My chest feels a bit less tight. My lips are involuntarily curling into the slightest smile. I feel. Content. On my couch. On my own. And that is perhaps the first time in a long time I can say that with any conviction.
Here’s to another day of creativity…