Day 362: One.Two.14

Heartbreak is an unwelcome houseguest, to be sure.
A terribly persistent one.

Coming this time, to settle amidst my thoughts, atop my chest, beneath my skin.

An inexplicable sadness. Loneliness.
A heartbreak I didn’t even know was such.

It’s for no one love in particular. Rather, a year of un-loves.
Moving in to claim my heart-space.

Heartbreak shows up to consume me and suddenly, I no longer have any desire to love any other way than wholly.

Just as soon as heartbreak packs up and moves on. Making room in my heart for a fellow heart; worthy and deserving and true.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 341: Twelve.Twelve.13

What a brilliant – and beautiful – way to stay connected as a family when distance gets in the way. This? Over facebook or messaging any day.

Dad Finishes Kid’s Drawings

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 327: Eleven.TwentyEight.13

I have a hard time knowing how to express gratitude on Thanksgiving. Being grateful all the while thinking about what the holiday really stands for, how commercial it – and most holidays – are… But.

I AM so grateful. Today in particular, to be traveling with my family to go see our chosen (friend) family. To celebrate love and life and togetherness.

It IS a reminder that I need to slow down once in awhile and appreciate what is really, truly important in life.

So today, as with all days, but perhaps a bit more intentionally, I am thank-FULL.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 312: Eleven.Thirteen.13

This is crazy. I would do it in a heartbeat.

The craziest OKCupid date ever

In an online exchange after I posted the article and exclaimed I wanted to find a romantic fella like him to take me on this type of grand adventure, a friend told me it was a ‘special’ type of person that would do this (she meant it with love).

It was then I had a sort of epiphany about the kind of person I want to be (am?!), and the kind of ‘special’ a person who wants to be my significant other needs to be. Thank goodness it came when it did. Before that I was swimming in my own salty, wide open ocean of thoughts. Feeling discouraged and downtrodden about the prospect of me ever finding a special someone who lives up to my potential.

Here are a few things that I am now, gratefully, coming to know about myself:

  • I live for this type of spontaneity, while at the same time I live a life anchored by details and plans and organization. It’s not a contradiction. It’s what makes navigating open, adventure-filled waters manageable; knowing there is something to keep me grounded when needed.
  • I live for this type of creativity. I crave it – no, require it – in equal parts to the oxygen-rich particles my lungs depend on for my existence. This goes well beyond the “forge your own path” mentality. This is about continuously expanding and inventing our reality. Stagnant and status quo will never be good enough to enter my life’s vocabulary.
  • I’ve got a full life. This is not me bragging. This is me coming to terms with all I have worked to build. I simply don’t have time to pull someone along for the ride. They need to come equipped with their own full sail, ready to chart even greater distances with me.
  • I don’t have a list of required characteristics for my significant other. Except now, it seems I do. Whoever they are, whatever their background (and hopefully, it’s vastly different from mine) they have to, HAVE TO, understand, identify with, and encapsulate the above epiphanies.
  • I so want my heart to catch up with my head and let this person in. I don’t want to spend a lifetime of settling in my romantic field all the while planting a rich, abundant life in all other realms.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 303: Eleven.Four.13

I just realized that One Common Unity quoted my post from way back when, on their website in the Praise for the film section. Awww, that makes me feel so good!

And what perfect timing… as today, we announced that we (ReSourceArts) will be hosting an advanced screening of the movie for our December Reel Talk event.

I’m so so so thrilled. I hope you can, and will, see the movie.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 297: Ten.TwentyNine.13

My friends are fiercely talented. My women-folk; these bad-ass, I don’t take no bs from no one, I know my own worth and you better respect that, kind of friends. It’s so freaking awesome to witness. And be inspired by.

The incredible writer, poet, educator, performer Mahogany Browne, who fell into my life at this moment I knew not how much I needed her, took the stage at Busboys and Poets Hyattsville last night. She was the feature in a fabulous event series called Body of Work.

I have seen her perform pieces on many occasions, in all types of settings. This night was different, though. It was all her, and revealed an altogether different kind of performance quality. I was mesmerized, as was the rest of the audience.

She speaks truth and wisdom and love. But more than that, she IS those things. What I realized last night was how much of herself she is on that stage. During poems, in between poems, answering questions, interacting with the crowd – all of it. And that, that is the most powerful tool I think any of us artists can aspire to use. Authenticity.

She had a few surprise guests – an incredible singer and cellist from Philadelphia (middle photo) who had this voice that made you FEEL the moment in a way that is kind of too visceral of a thing to put into words. And me – I freestyled to a poem that I was hearing for the first time as I was dancing it. It’s humbling to be asked by this beauty of a woman to share in one of her pieces. Terrifying, really. But I do it. Whenever she asks. Because I trust in her so completely and have to believe that I, too, may find some truth in what I share when I am in her presence.

Mahogany Browne @ Busboys photo 2 photo 3

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 296: Ten.TwentyEight.13

My mama’s story was featured on HuffPost today. It’s awesome. She’s awesome. I’m proud everyday to be her daughter. Today is simply one incredible example of why.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 294: Ten.TwentySix.13

I am coming to be able to recognize when I’m in an unhealthy relationship [I use that term to cover varying degrees of union with another person] because it feels better to be IN something than OUT of anything.

I’m not able to see, however, whether I am – or ever have been – in a relationship for the ‘right’ reasons.

I feel quite unnerved by this realization – that I quite possibly don’t know how to find a successful, loving partnership.

Or maybe, as it was pointed out to me, perhaps I just spend too much time in my own damn head because… I don’t own a tv with which to practice the art of zoning out.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 291: Ten.TwentyThree.13

I’ve been reading about spirituality. Christian spirituality, to be exact. It’s slow going. I don’t much believe in all of it. Although I’m certainly more open to reading about it now, at this point in my life than ever before. Mostly, I don’t like that those with-faith feel it’s their place to tell those of us ‘without’ that God loves us. That he’s waiting for us. That just feels so condescending. Or holier-than-thou. And that seems anti the point.

That’s not my point, though.

I went to a yoga class today for the first time in a few weeks. I forced myself to go, even though I really would have liked to have talked myself out of it. I knew, deep down, I needed it.

The first thing we did was lie flat, blanket rolled beneath our backs.

eyes Closed. arms Upturned. heart Opened.

I let out my breath, felt where the backs of my palms touched the mat, and almost laugh-cried. You know, that moment when you’re not sure which emotion is taking over, so both experiences meld into one? Our teacher talked of being grounded. Remembering we were connected to the earth. I felt it. And then it was gone. I was back to thinking about my next facebook post about taking a yoga class, what I was going to eat for lunch, what I was going to teach later that day. But for that moment?

I felt something.

I drive over the Potomac River on my commute home these days. I happened to turn my head and witnessed the gray-blue of the water contrasting brilliantly with the pink-gold of the sunset. It was better than any picture could have ever captured. Perfectly still. Perfect. That expression – breathtaking – this is what it was made for. Nature often causes destruction – violent storms, blazing fires… even causes complaining a significant amount of the year – too hot this, too cold that. But in that instant?

I felt something.

The unsolicited touch of a lover’s fingertips along the length of my spine. A deepest sense of contentment that comes only with this level of closeness to another human being. Mostly, I’ve found relationships are complicated. One part enjoyable and euphoric, two parts painful and emotionally draining. But for that moment?

I felt something.

I felt free.

And perhaps, then, I know what it might be like to believe.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 284: Ten.Sixteen.13

There’s no way to teach the “cool factor.” You either got it, or you don’t.

This guy, he’s got it, always has.

Rocking the single earring before it was trendy. Mountain-boot-hiking to fanny pack-toting. (Back in the day, that is. He’ll kill me for saying he did, but man was it cool at the time.) Full beard one day to clean-shaven the next.

These days, he’s more the J Crew Casual Cool kinda fella.

No matter what he’s always, always classy.

Style, of course, goes much farther than the outer dressings.

Trips to museums, back alleys to capture a few good photos, world travelings, article collecting, print and web designings.

It shows up in the details in a house, the work you do, the kind of things you spend your time thinking about, doing.

And really, who designs an upside-down-man costume for their daughter, unless they’ve got the style thing down?

Halloween Upside Down Man Costume

Many years ago, he tried to hand down his authentically worn jean jacket to me. I scrunched up my face, as if in disgust. No way was I wearing THAT. (Probably a bit the same way he looks at my car now – my white Nissan Cube that he just can’t understand me owning.)

Today though, today I’m proudly rocking my denim for my Dad. (It’s his BIRTHDAY!!)

Denim for Dad

He was obviously way ahead of me in the style game.

I of course though, would like to think a bit of his cool-factor rubbed off on me – passed down much the same way a laugh or mannerisms can be.

A girl can dream, right?

Happy Birthday to the coolest dude I know, love you Dad!!

Here’s to another day of creativity…