Day 76: Three.TwentyTwo.13

For Sean and Katie, on a day where there is nothing else to do but FEEL.

It hurts.

A kind of pain that you can’t describe, or share. You can’t know it until you do. And when you do, you only wish you didn’t.

There is no way to prepare.

No amount of steeling yourself, saying your goodbyes, recalling the memories from happier days can make you ready.

I don’t know the right words to say.

As your big sister, I want to be able to take the pain away – have you not feel it in the first place. Since I can’t, I am instead trying to think of what I would have wanted to hear a year ago, when we were all feeling a similar grief.

There are no words.

No hug is strong enough, soft enough, long enough, to dissipate the missing and sadness left by a loved one no longer with us.

I offer my hugs anyway.

Today, when I feel millions of miles away, not just the two-thousand-something that really do stretch between us, I hope you can feel my hugs reach across all of that time and space. And even though they can’t take the pain away, they do serve as a reminder that family, however it is defined, is EVERYTHING.

All I can think to share is this photo.

The one I took of the flower arrangement from Markey’s service.

markey flowers

A reminder of life, and beauty, and hope, and above all else, the sanctity of family. This picture reminds me of our family, coming together under difficult circumstances, more united and loving than ever.

A love that never, ever, leaves us.

I am sending that love to you today. And on all days. May you feel, deeply, love and joy and happiness, even amongst the pain.

Here’s to another day of creativity…