Day 291: Ten.TwentyThree.13

I’ve been reading about spirituality. Christian spirituality, to be exact. It’s slow going. I don’t much believe in all of it. Although I’m certainly more open to reading about it now, at this point in my life than ever before. Mostly, I don’t like that those with-faith feel it’s their place to tell those of us ‘without’ that God loves us. That he’s waiting for us. That just feels so condescending. Or holier-than-thou. And that seems anti the point.

That’s not my point, though.

I went to a yoga class today for the first time in a few weeks. I forced myself to go, even though I really would have liked to have talked myself out of it. I knew, deep down, I needed it.

The first thing we did was lie flat, blanket rolled beneath our backs.

eyes Closed. arms Upturned. heart Opened.

I let out my breath, felt where the backs of my palms touched the mat, and almost laugh-cried. You know, that moment when you’re not sure which emotion is taking over, so both experiences meld into one? Our teacher talked of being grounded. Remembering we were connected to the earth. I felt it. And then it was gone. I was back to thinking about my next facebook post about taking a yoga class, what I was going to eat for lunch, what I was going to teach later that day. But for that moment?

I felt something.

I drive over the Potomac River on my commute home these days. I happened to turn my head and witnessed the gray-blue of the water contrasting brilliantly with the pink-gold of the sunset. It was better than any picture could have ever captured. Perfectly still. Perfect. That expression – breathtaking – this is what it was made for. Nature often causes destruction – violent storms, blazing fires… even causes complaining a significant amount of the year – too hot this, too cold that. But in that instant?

I felt something.

The unsolicited touch of a lover’s fingertips along the length of my spine. A deepest sense of contentment that comes only with this level of closeness to another human being. Mostly, I’ve found relationships are complicated. One part enjoyable and euphoric, two parts painful and emotionally draining. But for that moment?

I felt something.

I felt free.

And perhaps, then, I know what it might be like to believe.

Here’s to another day of creativity…


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