Day 181: Seven.Five.13

I love my new apartment.

Well technically, I haven’t seen it. And it’s not ‘mine’ yet, not until the middle of August.

But I love the building, and the neighborhood, and the thought of my apartment. Especially the thought of being able to say ‘my’ apartment. After months of uncertainty – financially, career-wise, and life-wise – it’s amazing to think about being stable. Something I most certainly took for granted. For most of my life I’ve been, or pretended to be, a nomad. Now, more than anything, I’m so thankful for a two-year lease and the end of carting my things from one place to another.

I’m also completely aware – and completely uncomfortable – with the fact that I am going to be another face of gentrification as soon as I move in.

I’m entirely conflicted, and not even trying to make excuses about it. (I’m selling my car, downsizing and getting rid of excessive ‘stuff’ in my life, the building claims to be ‘green’ and is ‘community focused,’ I’m super excited to BE a part of this neighborhood and plan to be a patron in the neighborhood spots, etc.)

I’ve always felt, somehow, that I don’t deserve to be completely happy in any aspect of my life because my entire career life has been about wanting to help others have better lives. That twisted logic is starting to unravel, though, as I continue to realize that me being really, truly happy and content in my life (not with material things of course, but content within myself) is going to make me a better person to help others in better ways. I will have more of myself to give.

And well, the truth, if I’m being honest, is that this apartment makes me happy.

The way I see it, all I can do is continue to live as holistically and consciously as I am able to, and hope that this time in this apartment, in this neighborhood, continues to inform me and my choices as I move forward with my life and my business.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

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