Day 176: Six.Thirty.13

If I stop to think for a minute, it’s amazing how quickly this year has already gone.

I cannot believe, for instance:

June is now over

Half of 2013 is over

I am once again living in W, DC (who say that coming six months ago?!)

I still don’t have an actual place to live (of my own that is – because I do have a very wonderful mother and best friend who have made my uncertain situation feel less so)

I am doing this business thing

I have a very good feeling about July… So alright second half of 2013 – bring it.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 175: Six.TwentyNine.13

I’ve had to have some conversations with myself. About my lack of focus, my recent play time, my sudden burst of social-butterfly-ness.

I’ve had to tell myself that all of these things are perfectly acceptable. Commendable, even.

Somehow I have come to know only one way to be in this world – a way that leaves no room for having fun (without feeling guilty later), taking one day as it comes, a way that includes all work all the time.

Work in the sense of responsibility, doing things for others, doing things 110% all the time even if I am not personally invested in them.

This new way, this place where I can do good work AND have fun AND be open to new ideas and ways of being…

As doors seem to keep opening (not shutting), partnerships keep forming (not disintegrating), and happiness keeps being with me every morning when I wake up (not an overwhelming sense of duty but lack of personal serenity)… I realize… THIS is living.

And now my talks with myself include reminding me that this new state doesn’t have to be fleeting. I don’t have to worry about it disappearing. (Do I deserve this?!) There will be ups and downs yes, of course. But I am creating this new world for myself, for others. And if I am willing to keep giving of myself – my true, positive, encouraging, passionate, helpful, hard-working self… I have to believe I will be able to keep living in this perpetual state.

The best part? There’s plenty of room for all to join me here.

Never has the phrase “love what you do” rang so true as it does right now.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 173: Six.TwentySeven.13

The recorded version of this became the ‘music’ for my piece, recently performed at Love, Us 2013.

A Love Story

(for my someday child)

 

Part One

The truth is, I thought you would be here now.

In my younger years, I had life figured out.

You, your daddy and I, we live in a house. A yard, a dog, a fence, by now.

We count the ways we love, you, your daddy and I. Tea parties and swings and picnics by now.

The other truth is, I’m scared for you.

Life, perfect before you. For you.

Heal backs of hearts.

Matching dishes, wallpaper, 401ks.

Mend cracks in souls.

Ironed shirts, rolling pins, family trees.

I know now, there is no perfect. I will tell you this. Tell you to live.

Now. And everyday thereafter.

Part Two

Sing shout laugh cry. Be.

Scream dance hug laugh. Be.

Rejoice. You are powerful.

Speak. You are truth.

Pause. You are beauty.

Speak read share laugh. Be.

Dance laugh dance. Be.

Paint, bold. Learn the names of colors.

Forever cherish the shades that make us all magnificent. Brilliant.

Travel wander trust. Share.

Love. You are worthy.

I haven’t found your daddy yet.

But I promise he is kind, generous, loving.

He laughs, silly. Creates, and stays curious about the world.

We dance, you, your daddy and I.

We sing, you, your daddy and I.

And he loves you. All the way as much as I do.

Part Three

There is a mourning I didn’t allow myself to have.

Perhaps, I don’t want children.

Lips gasp back words as they tumble from dark within.

Steeled heart soldiers past mines deep within.

I have always, always wanted you.

I know this now.

I know, now. I am, now.

I promise, now.

To sing dance laugh. Be.

To trust hug cherish. Be.

To scream speak pause. Be.

Above all else, I promise to love you with all of my heart. And then some.

The truth is, I already do.

 

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 172: Six.TwentySix.13

I have been freaking myself out about this show for months.

Not like I haven’t performed before.

Not like I don’t make myself vulnerable everyday with this whole public blog thing.

But even with all my ‘years of experience,’ I feel like a beginner when it comes to creating personal work.

Crazy that the one place I feel most comfortable – lost in music on a dance floor – is also the place that brings me the most amount of anguish when it becomes public.

Times sure are a changin’ though.

Up until recently, I would have given up already – returned to my comfortable world of doing other people’s work.

Instead, I’m trying to embrace the fact that my work may not be ‘good,’ but it’s honest, true, and it’s forever in-progress.

What more could I ask for?

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 171: Six.TwentyFive.13

At almost the half way point of this project, this resolution…

It has become such a part of my daily routine. So much so, that I don’t post everyday. (Huh?? You say.)

I am always thinking about what I am going to share – there’s never a day that goes by where I think I’m going to give up, or where something doesn’t happen worth posting about.

And yet, in recent weeks, I have taken to going several days without, and then all at once, filling in the gaps and posting all of the missing days all at once.

I don’t consider this cheating (particularly since I didn’t make any rules for myself when I started) but rather, this gives me a chance to develop what I want to ‘say’ more fully. It’s still that day’s events, just with a reflective quality.

Who knows how this project will continue to develop in the next six + months. All I do know is, each day brings something worthy of a post. And that’s a new perspective (on life) that I am so grateful to have.

Creativity finds us – if we let ourselves be found.

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 169: Six.TwentyThree.13

A long walk through Williamsburg yielded endless photo opportunities. Below are a few of the highlights.

Williamsburg Street Art

Williamsburg Street Art

Williamsburg Street Art

Williamsburg Street Art

Williamsburg Street Art

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 168: Six.TwentyTwo.13

On the way to just-short-of a week of traveling, seeing, performing.

Catching up with family

Seeing friends from all parts of my past

Performing in a completely foreign format (this is the first solo of my own work that I possibly have ever done?)

If this was a facbook status update, I would be ‘excited, hopeful, happy.’

Here’s to another day of creativity…

Day 167: Six.TwentyOne.13

I went to an awesome coffee shop today. How I have never been before is beyond me.

On my way back to my car, I passed cute houses, friendly faces, and these awesome birdhouses made from found-objects, including a flip flop.

Found-object Birdhouses

Needless to say, I’ll be returning shortly.

Here’s to another day of creativity…